Cowabunga Cuisine (Case of the Killer Pizzas)

CASE OF THE KILLER PIZZAS

Back in the whirlwind of the holidays, my girlfriend, Jess, and I retreated to the Poconos to hang with fellow TMNT fan and friend, Kristy (who runs VoiceChasers.com). With her family in tow, we had an awesome, entertaining weekend filled with Turtle Powered fun.

Like any prolonged get together with friends, hunger struck. Ordinary people would simply cook up a meal or order takeout. But as a couple of die-hard Turtle fans, our culinary experience needed to be mutated to the next level.

Inspired by an internet article, we decided to get creative in the kitchen by making TMNT pizzas that were referenced in the original show - pizzas that the Turtles actually ate in the cartoon series. There were plenty of options - fusing odd combinations of goofy and gourmet. Some recipes sounded tasty while others terrified our tastebuds (I'm looking at you jelly beans & sausage).

After much debate and time spent roaming the grocery store, our menu had been selected. The Sewer Den Culinary Team™ agreed upon 4 pizzas. Did we cook up tasty cowabunga cuisine or was it a total food fail?

Below you'll find the 4 pizzas we whipped up along with our review. There are 3 categories, each rated on scale from 1-4 (1 being the lowest grade, 4 being the highest).

APPEARANCE: Does the presentation look appetizing and make the mouth water?
TASTE: Yummy in the tummy?
TURTLE POWER: How well does this fit into the TMNT universe? Silly enough for the Turtles?

Like we were fighting the Foot Clan, we pounded our fists into the dough. The mutation had begun!

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Who doesn't love pepperoni? This recipe is your basic pepperoni pie with a small spin on it - pickles. Separately, the two ingredients are condiments kings. But, together would they remain savory?

We added a few layers of flavor - tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, and then the stars of our show, pickles and pepperoni.

Say what you will about the pickle and pepperoni pairing, but this pie offers the ultimate snacking opportunity when you're in the prep stage. We kept sneaking bites while making the pie. Munch, prep, munch.

The pickles and pepperoni pizza was a hit. The recipe was the perfect mix of bodacious and bizarre, without getting too out of hand. We were off to a totally tubular start!

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This pizza’s ingredients are right out of Dimension X. We kicked things off by spreading guacamole on a cooked crust (no sauce, dudes). Then added avocado slices, pickle chips, and a delightful melted peanut butter drizzle on top.

This pizza had potential for greatness. Peanut butter and avocado can be a fantastic duo, but this duet didn’t sing. Maybe it was the pickles, maybe we overcooked the crust, maybe it was because the idea was conceived in a cartoon.

Whatever the cause, this pizza was a straight up disappointment. Kids, don’t grow up to be like this pizza. Your family will shun you.

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Yes, you read that right - bananas & anchovies.

Our banana and anchovy pizza was done in the white pizza style. A fine layer of mozzarella cheese, rum-caramelized bananas and the anchovies.

This was THE ultimate Turtle Powered pie with it's loony slew of sewer ingredients.

We hoped to enjoy the unlikely combination as much as Mikey, but unfortunately the pizza tasted like mutagen, pus, and Shredder guts. One bite would be all sweet, all banana. The next, all salty, all anchovy. Ninja, ninja, barf.

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This entry wasn't from the TMNT series - we birthed the idea while combing the grocery store for ingredients. Inspired by the true Hawaiian pie of canned ham and pineapple, we created this beauty with tomato sauce, mozzarella, and of course, pineapple and Spam. We thought it fit the crazy TMNT pizza criteria.

I hadn't had Spam in years, and Jess had never even tasted it before! Cracking open the can sent an aroma of preserved, meat curiosity into the kitchen.

We fried the Spam before tossing it on the pie. Jess stared at the mysterious substance in awe, listening to the unfamiliar crackling as it cooked.

The appearance and Turtle Power weren't overwhelming, but luckily the pizza won us over in the flavor department. Everyone scarfed down their slice without a complaint. Jess especially savored her first experience with Spam.

Those Hawaiians know their culinary ninjutsu.

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The meal ended with our bellies stuffed. I felt like we gorged on edible cartoons - fantasy foods too absurd for Earth. We weren't proud of everything we jammed down our gullets, but I imagine the Turtles would be. For one night, their outlandish cuisine was also ours.

I want to conclude by saying the experience of making the pizzas is what we'll all fondly remember. A dreamy memory of creative cooking in the good company of friends. But, truth be told, the horrid taste of the bananas & anchovies pizza is what I'll remember most. It will continue to haunt me for years to come - like a stubborn ghost that refuses to retreat and torments for eternity.

But hey, even knowing that, I'd do it again. May the cooking continue!