Totally Tubular Treasures: Chia Pet

TOTALLY TUBULAR TREASURES: CHIA PET

EDITOR'S NOTE: This column showcases my random discoveries of TMNT merchandise. Despite the extensive collection from my childhood, I still find myself making Turtle purchases as an adult. Totally Tubular Treasures highlights just that.

The Turtles live in the sewers of New York City. It's a place they've called home for over 3 decades. Although I've been alive for about the same length of time, I have had many more homes. Once I went off to college, my life turned into a game of residential leap frog - bouncing from one spot to the next. I have lived in 11 places in the span of 12 years. Not to mention I've been on 3 road trips that total half a year.

Point is, I'm a nomad. I enjoy a fresh surrounding. This past December, I found myself in new home once again - back in the Big Apple. Learning a new environment and exploring the terrain is a blast. However, my roaming lifestyle prevents me from throwing a rockin' housewarming party. I simply shift around too much for anything to ever seem official. And when there's no house party, no housewarming gifts.

My girlfriend and I took a leap and decided to shack up together (what was she thinking?!). Her mom was sweet enough to give me a housewarming gift - to make the place feel like home. I had never received a house warming gift before. This was a big moment. What could it possibly be?!

Turtle Power for our new pad. Ch Ch Chia! The pottery that grows!

When was the last time you attempted to grow a Chia Pet? It's been ages for me - I'm talking late 80's. Once we moved past the initial setup, it was an exciting time for my family. I'd dash to the kitchen every morning, glare at the plant, and mentally take note if there had been any progress. Before we got a dog, these growing chia seeds were the closest thing I had to man's best friend.

 

Too bad our family pet didn't last long. We'd start off strong, but after a week or so in, things got bleak. Multiple attempts with the same results - a pet with a short shelf life.

Clearly, the Chia Pet wasn't cutting it. My parents bought a dog.

It warms my sewer-loving heart to see zany TMNT products like this being sold once again. The new Nickelodeon series is absolutely nailing it and re-opening doors to my childhood in the process. Now, let's just hope I have better luck with my TMNT Chia Pet. The good thing is a lot has changed since the 80's. Technology has advanced, gardening methods have improved, and I have grown into a responsible adult. Not to mention, this is no original Chia Pet. It's a TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES Chia Pet! How cool is that?!

Start the car, catch a bus, or jump on the train and head to NYC. Come pay me a visit and get a glimpse of the TMNT Chia Pet. Hopefully, it's flourishing with Turtle Power when you get here.

Home sweet home, dudes!

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UPDATE: WEEK 1 

The mutation has begun...

Michelangelo's shell might be a bit patchy, but at least the chia seeds are sprouting. I've been misting and watering this mutant everyday in hopes of having a shell-rific shrub.

Below the belt things get bad. With each passing day, more and more chia seeds slip away from the pot. 

Totally tubular plant or just a wacky weed? I'm not sure just yet.

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UPDATE: WEEK 2/3 

The mutation continues...

After a couple weeks of meticulous care, I've lost control of my Chia Pet. This Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is certainly living up to the name. Full of angst and rebellion, the growth is uncontrollable. The more I attempt order, the further I am from having a normal household plant.

Mother nature must have lost her marbles with this mutant. The seedlings have morphed into tentacles. The instructions state the Chia Pet has a lifecycle of 4 weeks. This poor dude is at the halfway point. These are suppose to be his glory years! Instead, he's stuck in an awkward phase.

Check back for more updates on this bodacious bush.

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UPDATE: WEEK 4

"Death comes for us all Oroku Saki. But something much worse comes for you...for when you die, it will be - without honor." Splinter's quote from the original TMNT movie might be a bit dramatic, but it describes the fall of my Chia Pet.

The sprouts had a meager run at around 14 days. But much like the Shredder, they met their demise. Let's hope I don't go Casey Jones-style and flatten this thing in the back of a garbage truck!