Issue 21: Cupid Circa 2007

ISSUE 21: CUPID CIRCA 2007

Love is in the air and the green machines are taking a big whiff. Each year the Ninja Turtles spout off sentiments of love in the form of Valentine’s Day cards. What they lack in romanticism, they make up for in humor. The Sewer Den has covered a variety of Valentines, showcasing the Turtles and their eye rolling humor.

Cupid’s arrow has struck once again. With each new Ninja Turtles series or film, the world is treated with another line of TMNT-themed Valentine’s Day cards. We’re taking another trip down memory lane. But, not too far back. Rewind to 2007 - an iconic year. After a 14-year hiatus from the silver screen, the Turtles returned to cinemas with their bandannas a-blazing. In 2007, our heroes made their comeback in TMNT. The fun flick opened number 1 at the box office the weekend of March 23^rd. And do you know what Ninja Turtles success means? More Ninja Turtles merchandise.

This new film would put the Turtles on display in a whole new light. With a visual overhaul, our favorite Ninjas were no longer in rubber suits. Instead, audiences were in store for a CGI adventure. Hey dude, this is no 90’s cartoon.

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This Valentine’s Day, The Sewer Den brings you some love from 2007. Let’s see how romantic the Turtles were years ago when TMNT hit theaters.

Where did I get these TMNT Valentines? A few clicks of the mouse and 2 bucks later, they were being shipped to my house. 32 Valentines for me to distribute. But, my days of being an elementary school student are long gone. So, who am I suppose to give these things to???

Whoever ends up receiving these TMNT Valentines should feel extremely special. The box was originally seal when I received it. With one quick tear, I changed the status of the TMNT Valentines from “new” to “used”. Their 2 dollar value has dropped significantly already!

The box tells us that we’ve got 8 fun designs with seals. I was really hoping the seals they were referring to were actual sea seals. Heck, I’d even take a Navy Seal. Either of those would make this box of Valentines a lot more fun.

Inside the cardboard are the goodies. The cards come lumped in groups of 8. Get out the ol’ elbow grease because you’ve got to rip ‘em apart yourself.

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I was worried the duration of time between the early 90’s and 2007 would kill some of the ridiculousness the Ninja Turtles put into their Valentine’s Day cards. But nope, the first one had me smiling immediately. The Turtles kick off their cards with one of the most unromantic things I have ever read – Truth, Justice, Pizza. Who do you even give this to? If only I were dating someone who worked in law enforcement…

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Keeping to Ninja Turtles tradition, the play on words continue from the early 90’s. But, I’m giving Leonardo some credit. The Ninja brings up the love a notch. The card isn’t romantic, but at least it’s sweet. Not to mention, his pose just looks cool.

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Honestly, I don’t really know what this means. How does this relate to Valentine’s Day? “Give ‘em shell” – give who shell? Valentine’s Day is about a day of love, so why should any person be giving someone else “shell”? Give ‘em confusion.

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This card makes sense. Raphael is a grump, a bit pushy, and his weapons are pointed (another fun play on words!). But, is this the kind of signal you want to send to a loved one? Especially a potential loved one? Read between the lines if you get this Valentine, the bestower might be slightly abusive. It’s Valentine’s Day and this person is already being aggressive when expressing their feelings for you. Raphael, you’re my favorite Turtle, but this is my least favorite Valentine.

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Another card that seems to have some underlying theme. Is this meant for the shy girl or that quiet guy? If not, it’s kind of an insult. You’re basically telling the receiver of this card that they could be a better person if they just opened up. Com’on Donatello, you’re supposed to be the brains of the group. You couldn’t think of anything sweeter to put on your Valentine’s Day card?

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Finally, a decent Valentine. Short, simple, and fun. With a semi-smirking Leonardo, a goofy Michelangelo, and a thumbs up for good measure, you’ve got an instant classic.

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The short, silly expressions seem to work best with the Ninja Turtles. When they venture into puns, things just seem to fall apart. So by keeping it simple, we’ve got another winner. Little boys must have loved this one. It has all the best stuff for that age – cool weapons, tough-looking Turtles, and a phrase that is perfectly generic. Why is a straightforward phrase important? Back in the elementary days, it was always a game of who had a crush on who. So when Valentine’s Day came, you never wanted to send the wrong message. Keep it simple so girls wouldn’t get false ideas. Those kids spread rumors quick!

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The last card in the lot is the strangest. No sweet expressions (or even a terrible one). Instead, it’s a game in the form of a maze. Apparently you’re suppose to guide the Turtles through the maze for a Valentine’s Day Pizza..? Not only is Valentine’s Day Pizza not a real thing, but there isn’t even a picture of a pizza anywhere on this card. At the center of the maze is a manhole cover, not a pizza. This card should read, “Guide the Turtles to Complete Disappointment.”

At last, the seals. Cute, heart-shaped stickers to keep your TMNT Valentines closed. Slapping one of these on your Turtle card definitely bumps up the charm. Red hearts are the iconic symbol of love. There’s no hidden message within a cartoon heart. So although a few of the TMNT Valentines might be slightly misguided, sealing them up with these stickers certainly brings the element of love back into the mix.

Other than the heart stickers, I find it odd that the 2007 TMNT cards didn't feature any of the usual Valentine's Day commercialism. Cupid, red roses,  and chocolates are strangely absent in these cards. The Valentines from the early 90's milked the holiday for all it was worth.

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From the early 90’s to 2007, it’s a safe bet to say that the Turtles Valentines will always be silly. The play on words and puns are atrocious – and I absolutely love it. The Turtles have always thrived off this mentality. The wackier, the better. Let’s hope the next batch of TMNT Valentine’s sticks to this loving trend. Happy Valentine’s Day from The Sewer Den. Now, go give ‘em shell.