Issue 5: Where's The Bathroom?

ISSUE 5: WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?

In the summer of 2010, I ventured off on a cross country road trip with my buddy, Frank. The journey lasted an incredible six weeks - where we camped in most of the states this country has to offer. When you cover that much ground, you're bound to stumble upon a few roadside attractions. Most of the time these places are the ones you've heard about your entire life - like Mount Rushmore, Four Corners, etc.

But, then you'll stumble upon a place that is off the beaten path. Unique, fun, and even weird (I'm talking to you Corn Palace in South Dakota!) Although bizarre, these places inspired me to some degree. I found myself appreciating whatever thought process spawned such extraordinary creations. Fred Smith's Wisconsin Concrete Park, South Dakota's Corn Palace, Pennsylvania's Shoe House - these places are hilariously brilliant.

Roadside attractions are fun. You can only smile and laugh. From their silliness and originality, I was inspired to create The Sewer Den. When this Ninja Turtle collection-filled room is complete, I'd love to open it up to the masses of America to come and scope out. I hope they would find the same appreciation I found on my road trip.

So, that's the goal. Turn The Sewer Den into an awesome roadside attraction. My parents live in Cape May, NJ - which is a pretty stellar beach town and destination hot spot in the summer. So as crazy as it sounds, this whole idea is actually plausible.

Say when The Sewer Den opens, people actually start to visit. I've got to make sure I can accommodate these folks. What if they need to use the bathroom? The room has a million Ninja Turtles items, but no bathroom. BUT, I did dig up a little collection of Ninja Turtle Bathroom Accessories!

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MINI SOAP

All Turtles must wash their hands before returning to work. Soap - it's a basic, but crucial to the bathroom. Aside from the Foot Clan, apparently the Ninja Turtles fought germs too. Donatello is doing his classic stance with his bo staff. He's excited for your cleanliness.

This one has Donatello rockin' sunglasses, no bandanna, and riding a surf board. He looks a lot cooler here - I'd totally use this soap before the other one.

 The mini soaps also come in these rad little cases.

According to the front of these cases, this soap is from 1993. Does soap aged 18 years still kill germs???

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TISSUES

I didn't even know Turtles could sneeze, but I guess they do. It's amazing how the Turtles actually look sick too! Raphael really seems like he's under the weather, but trying to force a smile.

And why are they all clenching the tissues so hard? Leonardo is holding that thing with an iron fist - a true death grip!

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SHOWER CURTAIN

I'm sure at some point The Sewer Den will get a visitor requesting a shower. Fortunately, they will be in luck! This shower curtain is still in the packaging - brand new and never used. This was actually a gift from an ex-girlfriend. I like when I find items in the collection that were not purchased by my parents or myself. It's endearing. Although, I can see why this particular relationship didn't work out...the poor girl was dating someone who got excited about a Ninja Turtles shower curtain as a gift?!

On the other hand, what girl wouldn't find this Raphael pose stunning?

Jay Franco - a true pioneer in the art of shower curtains.

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BUBBLE BATH

If I'm worrying about people wanting to take showers, I guess I should consider baths might be requested too. Well, I'm prepared for that one too.

The 8.5 fluid ounces of ninja bubbles are stored in this statue-like bottle. The design holds a certain prestige, like an Oscar Award. But, when you take a closer look...

Decapitation! So in order to get clean, you have to unscrew Michaelangelo's head? Bizarre choice for a bubble bath geared towards kids. Look at it...creepy.

Years and years ago, there was one particular feature on this bottle that just annoyed me. A pet peeve that I've carried with me into adulthood. Michaelangelo's belt. He never wore one like this - with the X pattern going across his chest. He donned only the simple, one loop-style across the waist. This must have been a dollar store purchase...

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MYSTERY BRUSH

Although this thing is completely awesome, I have no idea what the heck you use it for. Shooting out from beneath the Party Wagon are a small batch of bristles. But, they're too small to be a hair brush and too coarse to use against your body.

Then what was it designed for? To scrub toilets? That sounds like a terrible idea for a kid. You can also see that this is barely used - probably because I didn't know what to do with the thing...

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Missing from my collection are a few essential bathroom items - a toothbrush and towels. These were in my possession at some point. I don't really know if anyone wants to see a twenty year old, used toothbrush anyway. But then again, people like me are willing to go look at Corn Palaces, Concrete Parks, and other roadside attractions. So maybe a twenty year old toothbrush might lure people into The Sewer Den...

Either way, I hope this batch of Ninja Turtles memorabilia has made you feel as clean as a whistle.